Bareback Princess Boys

Prologue A cornfield, with the profile of Mombi's hut at right, in a purple-tinted farm landscape filled with pumpkins. Tip exits Mombi's hut, dragging a wooden form of a man behind him, props him up on a central shock of corn, and begins carving a face upon it. (He is unfamiliar with Jack O'Lanterns and does not open or empty the pumpkin, but came to the idea himself.) When he realizes that Mombi is coming, he hides behind a large shock of corn. Mombi is at first frightened, as Tip intended, but then she decides to test a box of Powder of Life. The Pumpkinhead comes to life, and the Harvest Sprites bow to him, and while Mombi dances with glee that the Powder works, Tip takes the Pumpkinhead by the hand and leads him away. Act I Scene 1 Interior of a country school house The schoolchildren enter the classroom of Professor Knowitt and do their introductory exercises and school song, "My Native Fairyland". The Professor finds a Woggle-Bug on the floor and the children all want to see him. With a magic magnifying glass, the Professor projects the Woggle-Bug onto a screen, from which he steps down and introduces himself as "MR. H.M. WOGGLE-BUG T.E." Professor Knowitt is frightened and tries to get him to go back up on the screen. The Woggle-Bug tries to impress the professor with his knowledge, but delivers such malapropisms as "patties" for "patois," following each with a pun. Fred Mace as The Woggle Bug Mombi enters and inquires if anyone at the school has seen Tip. The Woggle-Bug says no. She mistakes him for a masquerader, but he introduces himself and says that he is at her service. She asks him for help, telling him Tip has run away with the Pumpkinhead, which he mistakes for a romance. She tells him that they have stolen the Powder of Life, worth a million dollars an ounce, because it can bring anything it touches to life. The Woggle-Bug suggests trying it on the Democratic Party. The Professor then insists that the Woggle-Bug is his property to prevent him to go, and the Woggle-Bug retorts that if he is held after school that his parents will bite the Professor. Five peasant women, who speak as ungrammatical hicks (e.g., "You bet we is."), Prissy, Jessica, Flinders, Melinda, and Bettina enter looking for General Jinjur. The Woggle-Bug falls immediately in love with Prissy's checked dress. The Professor and the Woggle-Bug try to dissuade the girls from war, the Woggle-Bug saying that "it is better to be a Maud Muller than a Carrie Nation." He tries to take the dress from her, and when Mombi reminds him that he promised to help her find Tip and the Pumpkinhead, he tells her that that was before he "knew the pangs of love." Jinjur enters, and all bow to her. She asks Mombi to join her Army of Revolt, which is encompassed "of gallant milkmaids and scullery ladies" who seek to wrest power from the men who run the City of Jewels. Mombi refuses, but says she will use her magic to aid them in exchange for getting Tip back when the conquest is over. She asks who else will assist them, and Professor Knowitt agrees. The five peasant ladies beg to join her army, Prissy promising to defend her "till death, then I'll resign." Unsure that they will make a contribution, Jinjur calls them the "Awkward Squad" and names Prissy their captain. Knowitt and Jinjur reminisce about how they attended that very school. Jinjur remembers how Tommy Bangs courted her and called her "Sweet Matilda", and Knowitt reminds her that he attempted to court her, too. Scene 2 "Outside the Gates of the City of Jewels" Jack Pumpkinhead awakes to the sound of an alarm clock, tries to mess with it in denial, then wakes Tip, who grudgingly accepts that Jack calls him "Papa." Tip says that he dreamed that he was once the Princess Ozma who ruled over the City of Jewels that they now sit before. He explains to Jack why he can't just go to the city gates and claim that he is Princess Ozma, because he isn't just now, having been enchanted by Mombi. They exit to search for an entrance to the city less grand than the one they are before, and as they leave, the morning workers enter delivering their song, "Ting-a-Ling-a-Ling". Unable to find another entrance, they decide to steal into the city by climbing over a wall, making use of a nearby sawhorse. Jack convinces Tip that since they are both made of wood, and Tip has the Powder of Life, that the horse should be alive, too. Tip sprinkles the sawhorse, who springs immediately to life, but Tip has to carve him ears and put them on so that the horse can hear him. Jack suggests that having the horse will help Tip become a princess, but laments that she will get married and leave him when that happens. Tip says that when he was a princess, he had many lovers, one of whom almost won her, in spite of "mamma's watchfulness" and tells the story in "My Little Maid of Oz". The Regent and Lord Stunt enter, followed by guards and courtiers. The Regent longs for simplicity and is immediately charmed when Tip addresses him with, "Hello, Mr. Regent," rather than by some grand address and says that he and Jack must be disciples of "the great Vogner." Tip explains to the Regent that he was Princess Ozma, and the Regent, eager to retire, promises to find Mombi and force her to change Tip back into Ozma. Until then, the Regent invites Tip to share the palace, leaving Jack behind to meet the arriving Woggle-Bug. After comic banter and an unidentified song and dance, Mombi enters wearing the checked dress, and the Woggle-Bug begins to woo her. He then exits to aid the conquest, the two blowing kisses at one another. Mombi can't remember when anyone ever loved her before. She says it makes her feel naughty just thinking of it, as if she were caught writing letters to Beatrice Barebacks. She then laments that "The Hobgoblins" would stop associating with her were she to get married, then exits. Prissy enters with the soldiers, and Jack thinks that fighters are married people when Prissy explains what they are doing. Mombi re-enters and tries to catch Jack, promising not to hurt him. The Regent, Stunt, Tip, Woggle-Bug, and sawhorse enter. The Regent pushes the Woggle-Bug away from Mombi and commands her to restore Tip to his proper form. She calls him a fool because it will cause him to lose his job. He threatens her with execution, but the Army of Revolt enters and begins its conquest of the city. Prissy, "in an absurd uniform," carries a banner declaring "Give us Victory, or Give us Fudge," while other women have more straightforward, if ungrammatical, banners of protest. Professor Knowitt wheels in a commissary cart filled with huge packages of fudge. "Soldiers". The Regent tries to talk Jinjur and Prissy out of war, to no avail. The Woggle-Bug retreats from the charge along with the Regent, Tip, and Jack, and after the battle, the city burns, the four are taken prisoner, and the soldiers chant "The Paean of Victory". Act II Scene 1 "The Courtyard of the Royal Palace of Princess Ozma" Jinjur sits on the throne with her feet stretched out on a stool. Servants pass chewing gum to the soldiers who now play games. When a fight breaks out among the girls, she orders them to stop fighting, and to put away their games if they cannot play them without fighting. The women sing the chewing gum song, "To the Victors Belong the Spoils". Jinjur scolds Prissy for hooking her uniform from the back, calling her a turncoat. Prissy then realizes that she can't remember which house she has chosen as her own and sings "I'll Get Another Place". Prissy complains that she tried to bathe in champagne as advised by Ella Wheeler Wilcox, but the sawhorse pulled the plug and she had to bathe in mineral water instead. Jinjur gives Prissy a medal, then orders the soldiers to clean up their games. The men then enter sweeping, dusting, and wheeling baby carts and sing "The Household Brigade". Sidney Deane as The Regent and Blanche Deyo as Tip Bettina admits the Regent, now a slave, whom Jinjur fancies to marry, but he wants a retiring life in the country, and would not be interested in her unless she resumed being a milkmaid. She decides to lock him up in a luxurious room until he is willing to be hers. Jack and Tip enter, Jack having been made a baker's man, and the two sing "Patty-Cake, Patty-Cake, Baker's Man" and exit. Mombi enters and demands Jack and Tip from Jinjur, insisting that she is responsible for their victory and that Jinjur is her slave. She threatens to change Tip back into Ozma and lose Jinjur the throne. Jinjur repeatedly calls Mombi beautiful to get her to destroy Tip, Jack, and the Woggle-Bug. Mombi does not want to kill Tip, but finally agrees. Jack enters, and Mombi promises to spare him if he obeys her. She orders him to stay put, and when she leaves, he sings "Jack O'Lantern", then exits. When Mombi returns with Jinjur, she promises to feed the Regent a love potion. At Jinjur's command, the Army brings in Tip and the Woggle-Bug, and the Awkward Squad bring